Episode 87

Connor shut off the engine, opening his door and opening Miah’s.  Without bothering to wake the others, they walked wordlessly to a picnic table and watched the sun rise.

He let out a deep sigh, and Miah looked up, wondering if he was anywhere near as stressed as she was.  “So,” he began, but the word floated away on the wind and he never finished.

Miah pulled up her knees and scratched a crust of dirt from the metal plating, remembering again how she was scarred forever.  She bit her lip and rested her head on her arms, wishing she could let the wind blow all her miseries away.  Connor seemed a million miles away, and even if he did care about what happened to her, there was nothing he could do to change anything.

He put a hand on her shoulder, and she caught her breath.  “I’m here for you, Miah. Don’t push me away.”

No. she thought. Can’t you see that’s all I want to do?

He sighed. “Sometimes, you can be so stubborn.”

She gave him a sideways glance and sniffed. “So?”

“You won’t listen when it’s for your own good.”  She started to protest, but he went on.  “Miah, if you never let anyone help you, you’re never going to get anywhere.  You can’t run forever.  I’m not trying to hurt you.”

She looked away, finding it hard to swallow, but knowing, deep down. He’s right.

“You’re just saying that so I’ll believe you,” she said, pulling her knees closer.

He nodded. “Yeah...you won’t listen to me anyway.”

“So you think you can get away with lying?”

“Miah, I would never lie to you.”

She frowned. “What about all those promises you made?  You said you would get me home, and that you would get Ben back, and—and—”

“Just because they haven’t happened yet doesn’t mean I’ve broken them.”  He crossed his arms and looked out at the sunrise.  “I meant every word, and I won’t go back on them.”

She bit her lip. And then the nagging question, what if?  What if he really was everything he said?  What if he wasn’t just another disaster waiting to wreck her life?

“You can’t help me,” she countered, but with less conviction.

“Maybe not, but I’ll do everything I can to try.  At least I can be here for you when you need someone, can’t I?  You’re alone, Miah.”

Tears brimming in her eyes, she buried her head in her arms and refused to respond.  She was alone.  And she knew it.

“Miah…” He put his arm around her shoulders and sighed.  “It’s okay…”

“I’m just…afraid…”  She swallowed a sob and huffed at how vulnerable she let herself become.

“Don’t be afraid.  Fear can only hold you down.”

“Everything holds me down.”

“I won’t.”

“Why?  What could I ever do for you?” Miah turned.  “Why do you need me?”

“I don’t want anything from you.  I only want you to stop believing the lies that you tell yourself—you’re letting them hurt you.  I want to help you, Miah, because it hurts me to see you this way.”

“How do you know—” she sniffed— “I—Connor—”

“You can’t change my mind, and you know I’m right,” he said sternly.

Her mind had died on her, and she had nothing to say.  He was just sitting there, she was curled into a ball of fear and misery, and he was there, waiting.  He was there.  He’d always been there. She couldn’t push him away, not now, not ever.

She let go of her knees and straightened out, looking over at him.  The concern in his eyes sent her heart into her throat, and she couldn’t speak.  He sighed and put his arms around her, shutting out the world, shutting out the shadows and the dark.  She let out her breath, and with it came her tears.

But it was okay this time.  Because everything was going to be alright.